


Remember to Sleep

by rudennotgingr



Category: Doctor Who
Genre: Angst, F/M, Gen, Rose Tyler only mentioned
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-08-19
Updated: 2013-08-19
Packaged: 2017-12-24 00:41:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,242
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/933087
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rudennotgingr/pseuds/rudennotgingr
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Unknowingly, Amy comes across Rose's room on the TARDIS. River tells her what she knows of Rose. The Doctor tries to sleep.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Remember to Sleep

**Author's Note:**

> Again, Rose does not have an active role in this story.

His footsteps echoed down the empty hallway. His original reason for being in this particular location now long forgotten. He had been looking for something, although he could no longer recall what, when the door appeared in front of him. Appeared wasn’t really the right word, but it seemed appropriate given that his focus was not on his desired destination in the first place. His feet had carried him here of their own accord. Old habits die hard. 

He hesitated. He knew this door, knew exactly what lay behind it. Could picture every detail perfectly. Knew it better than his own room as a matter of fact. He hadn’t been in the room for several weeks. Hadn’t slept in as long either. Clever girl, he thought to himself. The TARDIS always knew just what he needed. This room would bring him sleep. But not before the heart shattering memories threatened to drive him mad. Not before the tears that he usually never let fall came pouring down his face of their own free will. Not before the pain that was so intense it felt like regeneration over took him, leaving him gasping desperately for air. Still…he knew he wouldn’t get sleep any other way. With a shaky breath he forced himself to open the door and step inside.

—————-

“Doctor!” Amy had been trying to find the swimming pool. She had tried the library along with a couple of it’s other seemingly random but consistent locations. No such luck. Rory wouldn’t be any help. He had passed out on one of the couches in the movie room, mouth wide open and snoring.

“Doctor!” She tried again. Was it really too much to ask to keep things in one spot? Maybe this is why the TARDIS kept moving things, maybe She didn’t appreciate Amy’s impatience. She pushed the thought aside. She would just have to start opening doors until she found the Doctor or the pool, whichever came first.

Several doors and two hallways later, Amy was rapidly losing what little patience she had to begin with. She would settle for anything relaxing or entertaining at this point. Her fingers began to grab the knob of the next door when she heard a voice behind her.

“If you want to keep traveling with him, I wouldn’t open that door.”

Amy’s hand jerked back as if she had just touched fire. She whipped around on the spot. “River?”

“Hello sweetie.” A slow smile spread across the other woman’s face, the ends of it disappearing into her curls. Amy noticed that the smile didn’t reach her eyes.

“How did you get here?” Amy asked. She could inquire about the sadness hidden in her daughter’s eyes in a moment. Perhaps they could find the pool and talk.

River merely continued to smile. “Spoilers.” Amy rolled her eyes, but understood. All this time travel nonsense, who knew exactly when in each others timeline they were meeting.

Amy arched her eyebrow, “So does this mean that you can or cannot tell me what is behind the door? Must be something serious if it would make the Doctor kick me out. Didn’t realize there where any forbidden rooms on the TARDIS. Aside from his bedroom of course.”

“I can tell you if you’d like.” River’s smile had slightly faltered. But she kept it plastered in place, hoping her mother wouldn’t want the whole story.

“Spill.” Amy’s eyes flashed. Her brain was already churning with far flung possibilities of things so horrid they needed to stay hidden.

River’s voice was flat, “It’s a bedroom.”

Amy blinked in surprise and confusion. “But that’s not his door.”

“That’s not his room.” River’s smile was slowly slipping.

“River.” An edge to Amy’s voice crept in, despite her efforts to stay neutral. It was obvious that whatever was behind that door bothered her daughter. However, Amy was growing impatient from standing in the hallway. They could at least look for the pool while they talked. “If you’re going to tell me, just out with it already. And while we’re at it let’s go some where else, yeah? I don’t much feel like standing around in the hallway.” River had acquired a far off look while Amy spoke. Amy sighed, took the other woman's hand and began to march down the hall. They stopped at a room a few doors down. It wasn’t the pool, but it would do for now. There were cushions and mattresses randomly placed throughout the room. It was probably just meant for storage, but it would be a comfortable place to sit while they talked. “Ok. Whatever is in that room must be important. And it’s obviously bothering you. So what is it?” Amy plopped down on mattress while she waited for River to follow suit and answer her question.

River drew in a deep breath and sat down on a large cushion near Amy. Eyes downcast, she quietly responded, “The room belongs to Rose Tyler. Or belonged might be more appropriate, depending in how you look at it.”

“Rose Tyler? Who’s she then? A relative?” River slowly shook her head, her curls rippling and bouncing around her face. A flicker of pain crossed her expression before being replaced with a deep sadness. She continued to stare at the floor. Amy took River’s hands in hers, silently willing her to look up. She was starting to make Amy nervous. Her daughter had never looked so vulnerable before. She couldn’t think of a single reason why some unknown girl’s old bedroom could make River so somber and at the same time cause the Doctor to become enraged with Amy and banish her from the TARDIS. “Well, who is she? I can’t understand if you don’t tell me. Why is she so important to him?”

“He loves her.” River blurted out the answer to Amy’s last question without even thinking.

Amy’s temper flared. Her face becoming as red as her flaming hair. “But he’s with you! Why would you let him act like this? That thick headed, alien-” Amy’s retort was cut short by a squeeze from River’s hand. Now Amy was more puzzled than before. She didn’t think that was even possible.

“Perhaps I should start from the beginning.” River smiled at her mother gently. Amy nodded her agreement, not trusting herself to speak. Taking a deep breath, River began to tell the story of Rose Tyler. She didn’t have all the details of course. The Doctor had only grudgingly told her about Rose when she caught him sleeping in Rose’s room on multiple occasions. Even then he kept most of the details to himself. But she had learned the important bits. She told Amy the little she did know regarding Bad Wolf and why she meant so much to the Doctor.

Rose had been an ordinary 19 year old shop girl when she first met the Doctor. Traveling with him had transformed her into the extraordinary woman she was meant to become. She told Amy how Rose had become Bad Wolf to save the Doctor, although how exactly that had worked and why Rose hadn’t suffered any damage after looking into the heart of the TARDIS River didn’t know. The Doctor had regenerated due to pulling the time vortex into himself (he had skipped over the how bit here too), saving her life in return. Sometime later she was then ripped from him, stuck in a parallel universe with no way back. He had burned up a sun for her, just to say goodbye. He had grieved tremendously but tried to push on. Rose had managed to come back to him years later. It was a joyous reunion cut far too short. After defeating the Daleks yet again, he had left her back in the parallel universe with a part human version of himself. A gift to her, allowing her to live her life with him even when he, the full Time Lord version, still could not live his life with her. His Tenth regeneration had been born to love her, even if the Doctor never admitted it out loud. River knew better. Losing Rose for a second time, never getting a chance to tell her how he really felt even if she knew, never able to act on those feelings had ripped him to pieces. He had spiraled downward into darkness, overcome by his loss and full of intense rage at the universe. He began to do horrendous things as the Time Lord Victorious, bending time to his will.

The most important thing about Rose, aside from the unspoken love they had shared, was how she had saved him. How she had made him better after the Time War, when the darkness had claimed him the first time. How even after losing her unfairly to the universe twice, she was still saving him. Half mad after an incident on Mars, the Doctor was visited by someone signalling the beginning of his end. He did what he did best, he ran. Running through time and space. More and more the madman with a blue box. He had been wandering the TARDIS one day, when he came to her door. He had stepped inside and let the grief overcome him. He never told River how long he had stayed in Rose’s room wallowing in despair. All he said was that it had been awhile before he resurfaced, never a good phrase when used by a Time Lord. When he finally left her room it had been to head towards his end. It had been looming in the distance and he had grown tired of running from it. The events that followed had led to his regeneration into his current self. But even as he was dying, he had thought of her. He had gone to her, before she knew anything of his existence. He had done that one selfish and possibly dangerous act so that her face was not only the first he had seen, but also the last.

River sighed. “And that’s how he came to crash in your backyard. That regeneration was so painful and powerful that it tore up some the interior of the TARDIS. Although if I’m being honest, sometimes I think the TARDIS helped with that. I think She misses Rose. I know She cares for the Doctor, so I wouldn’t be surprised if she wanted to change up the inside to help keep the memories at bay.” A sad smile tugged at her lips. She chanced a glance at Amy. Amy’s eyes were wide with shock. Amy’s previous outrage was slowly being replaced with a deep sympathy for the Doctor. Her heart clenched painfully for him as the story sank in.

“He’s never even mentioned her. I had no idea she existed. Why would he not say anything?”

“The Doctor isn’t one to share his feelings. Even now, I don’t think he would be able to talk about her without feeling terrible pain.”

—————-

It only took a brief moment for his eyes to adjust to the dark. He slowly glanced around the room. He had spent so much time in here that he had the layout and placement of each item memorized. He drank it all in as if it were the first time anyway.

It was just as she had left it. Well, aside from the two new changes since she had last used it herself. Sometimes he wished he had given her time to come grab at least one item to remind her of their time together. He knew that was a silly thought. She already had the one thing that could both bring her happiness and remind her of their travels. She would never need anything else.

The first difference was the door that now joined her room permanently with his own. It had appeared at some point during his first stay in here after the events on Bowie Base One. He honestly had no idea how long he had hidden away in her room, and didn’t really care either. All he knew was one moment the door wasn’t there, and the next it was. Moment being a loose term of course.

The second difference was the arrangement of the sheets on her bed. She had rarely made her bed, so anyone else wouldn’t have even noticed. But the Doctor noticed. Hard for him not to when it was his fault they had shifted in the first place.

Moving seemingly of their own accord, his feet led him to her bed. Silent tears began escaping his eyes, slowly caressing his cheeks. The all too familiar ache began to rise in his chest as he sank down onto the bed. He did not enjoy the hopelessness that engulfed him. Waves of despair slowly beat against his carefully erected walls, causing him to painfully gasp for air. His hearts beat randomly and out of sync. He was drowning. As the room began to spin out of control, he laid back on the bed. Silent sobs wracked his body and he pulled the covers around him, burying his face in the pillows. He inhaled deeply. Her scent was the cruelest torture, yet also the deepest comfort. He couldn’t live without it, refused to even try. He squeezed his eyes shut, picturing his pink and yellow girl. Willing sleep to claim him before the pain become too much, he softly whispered three words “My Rose Tyler.”


End file.
